What It Honestly Feels Like Pursuing My Dreams

Finding courage amidst my fears and uncertainties

Photo by Ian Chen on Unsplash

After college, I made the bravest decision in my entire 23 years of existence:

I chose to pursue my dream of becoming a content creator.

It took me a lot of courage to choose this path because not only is it the ‘road less traveled,’ but it’s also not the career that the people who know me in real life would expect me to take. (Until now, I haven’t even told anyone about it outside my family and close friends.)

I’m only at the beginning of my journey, with no idea where this path will lead me, and I’m honestly scared.

Scared of not living up to other people’s expectations.
Scared of what other people would say.
Scared of not being good enough to succeed.

I'm scared, but I’m doing it anyway.
And I’d like to share how I found courage amidst my fears and uncertainties.

I’m scared of not living up to other people’s expectations

I happened to be a consistent student achiever throughout my school years.

I say “happened to be” because that was never really my intention. I’ve just always been a curious kid who loves learning—I couldn’t care less about grades and rankings.

But other people sure did, including my teachers and classmates.

They pictured me as this perfect student and had unrealistic expectations of me—they would ask me “What happened to you?” if I simply got a low score on a test, as if being “smart” meant never failing. I was just an elementary student back then, and hearing those words made me feel ashamed of not meeting their expectations.

By the time I entered high school, I had already learned to let go of the need to please others. But after graduating from university with Latin honors, I once again felt the weight of other people’s ‘great expectations’ of me.

They would praise me for my academic achievements and ask me about my career plans after college, but knowing the kind of image they had of me, I felt pressured to come up with answers that I thought they wanted to hear.

But I won’t chase society's definition of success

"The ultimate way you and I get lucky is if you have some success early in life,
you get to find out early it doesn’t mean anything."
— David Foster Wallace

Success in school is about getting high grades and honors, but I never felt true happiness and fulfillment from any of these.

My classmates envied me for always being among the top students in the class, but they didn't know how much I disliked feeling pressured to “perform well” when all I wanted was to enjoy studying.

I love learning but I hate school.

I hated how we were punished with low grades for making mistakes when it’s such an important part of learning. I don't even think grades accurately measure one's knowledge, but I was still scared of getting a failing mark because I would lose my scholarship.

I wanted to study what fascinated me, but I didn’t have time for that because I had to study for the exam.

I wanted to deepen my understanding of the topics we were learning, but I found myself just memorizing and trying to cram as much information in my brain as possible to keep up with the rapid pace of our lessons.

I didn't go to school to get high grades—I went there to learn.
But it didn't even provide me with the ideal environment for learning.

It’s ironic how I paid expensive tuition fees to attend university when I learned more from online educational resources which were completely free. Deep inside, I felt school was a huge waste of time, money, and energy.

I graduated with Latin honors, but at what cost? I was constantly stressed and burnt out, and I had no freedom to do what I wanted.

That made me realize that society's definition of success didn't align with my values and that I shouldn't be wasting my life chasing something completely meaningless.

“We work jobs we hate,
to buy things we don't need,
to impress people we don't like.”
— Tyler Durden, Fight Club

I’m scared of what other people would say

No matter how much I hated school, I couldn't find the courage to leave because I was afraid of being judged as a “dropout” and of people thinking that I had “wasted my potential.”

I told myself that since I had already invested so much time and energy, I might as well just finish and earn my degree. After graduation, I would truly embrace my freedom.

But it was still hard not to give in to the pressure to conform and follow what everyone around me was doing:

• Taking the board exam to get a professional license

• Going to med school

• Pursuing a postgraduate degree

• Getting a corporate job

I only found the courage to take the unconventional path of becoming a content creator thanks to the support of my mom, but I'm worried about what my dad would say about it.

He can be a bit harsh with his words and say things like, “Ano nang balak mong gawin sa buhay? Pagkatapos mong gumraduate, tatambay ka na lang?” (So what do you plan to do with your life now? After graduating, you’re just going to laze around?)

I know he doesn't really mean it—that's just his way of speaking and the kind of language that he learned from his childhood upbringing—but it still hurts to hear these things from your own parent no matter how much you love them and understand their imperfections.

People say mean things they don’t really mean.
I already know this, but it still hurts…

But I’m taking responsibility for my own life

It’s funny how it takes only a few seconds for people to say something hurtful, but it can take us years to move past it.

Do I really want to base the most important decisions of my life on a couple of words people carelessly throw around?

They can say whatever they want, but at the end of the day, this is my life and I’m the one who’s ultimately responsible for it. I’m the one who will bear the burden of regret on my deathbed when I don’t go after what I truly want.

I can’t blame others for making me do something against my will—that would be my fault because I allowed them to.

“Life is like a game of cards.
The hand you are dealt is determinism;
the way you play it is free will.”
— Jawaharlal Nehru

I’m scared of not being good enough to succeed

I’ve always been curious even as a kid. I love learning about anything that interests me, and that’s why I found it difficult to figure out what I wanted to pursue as a career.

I wanted to be a writer, teacher, computer programmer, web designer, psychologist, guidance counselor, philosopher, motivational speaker—I couldn’t decide on a single specialization. The phrase “jack of all trades, master of none” haunted me, making me feel like it was a weakness to be a generalist with knowledge across various fields, without being an expert in any of them.

I came across the terms 'polymath' and 'Renaissance man' which both refer to someone with a broad range of knowledge and has excelled in many fields, like Leonardo Da Vinci, who was an artist, inventor, engineer, and scientist.

But I’m no Da Vinci—I can’t even imagine comparing myself to him.

I couldn’t fully identify with the terms polymath or Renaissance man because, for some reason, it felt like I needed multiple PhDs to be considered one.

Thankfully, content creation has emerged as a career path in today’s digital age. YouTubers like Aileen Xu and Ali Abdaal, alongside my favorite authors such as James Clear and Tiago Forte, who also have an online presence, became my sources of inspiration.

I could see myself following in their footsteps—creating educational and inspiring content online, writing newsletters and books, developing online courses and digital products, having a personal website and public portfolio, and so on.

After years of searching and feeling lost, I’ve finally found my dream career.
But to be honest, this dream feels so big that it scares me.

What if I’m not good enough to succeed in this career?

But I’m focusing on the process, not the outcome

It’s hard to envision success when I’m still at the start of my journey, but I can see myself working on improving myself and slowly building the skills I need for this career.

There’s no need to rush. I can take things one step at a time and enjoy following my passion and living my life’s purpose.

The uncertainty of the future is not something to be scared of. The future is uncertain simply because it’s not pre-determined—it’s something that we create.

And when we keep thinking that we’re going to fail, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

“What you think, you become.
What you feel, you attract.
What you imagine, you create.”
— Buddha

So instead of worrying about the future, let’s focus on today.

Success isn’t about “being good enough”—it’s about doing enough to make it happen. Taking one small step each day will bring us closer to turning our dreams into reality.

“Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out.”
— Robert Collier

When you feel like giving up because of your fears and uncertainties,
Say this with me:

I’m scared, but I’m doing it anyway,
because my dreams are bigger than my fears.

May we all find the courage to keep pursuing our dreams,

— Alea

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Something to reflect on:
Besides your dreams, what else is bigger than your fears?