What Do You Really Want To Do in Life?

Are you escaping from freedom?

Photo by Markus Spiske

"What do you plan to do after college?"

I've lost count of how many times I was asked this question during my senior year.

If I felt comfortable with the person, I'd say, "To be honest, I don't really know."

More often than not, however, I'd try to come up with an answer that I think would be socially acceptable: "I guess I'll take the board exam or get a Master's degree."

While my classmates were excitedly talking about their career plans, I honestly just wanted to take a break after college.

But the "socially acceptable" answer I came up with wasn't entirely a lie. I did consider taking the board exam or getting a Master’s degree, but I wasn't sure if I really wanted to do that or if I was just being influenced because that's the path almost everyone around me was taking.

I knew I needed to step away from the crowd to figure out what I truly wanted in life.

Why is it hard to figure out what we want in life?

The main culprit behind this struggle is fear.

Most of us already have an idea of what we want to do in life—it’s just that we push these thoughts away because of our fear of judgment.

In my case, I knew I wanted to be a content creator, but I was afraid of what other people would think. This path is full of uncertainties and I’ll probably not be making any money from this at the beginning. I was afraid that people would judge me for being “broke and unemployed” and compare me to my peers who have a job and are already making money.

Behind this fear of judgment is really a fear of not being good enough.

We worry that the job we want won’t make us enough money. But is it the job or the income that we think is not good enough? Or is it our own self that we think is not good enough?

Maybe we think that by having a high salary or a prestigious job, we can “prove our worth” to ourselves and others. We’re afraid that if we’re not good enough, people will not love and accept us for who we are.

We’re social beings with an intrinsic need to belong, and our fear of rejection can be so great to the point that we’d rather give up our freedom than risk being rejected by the tribe. We subject ourselves to what psychologist Erich Fromm calls automaton conformity:

“Modern man still is anxious and tempted to surrender his freedom to dictators of all kinds, or to lose it by transforming himself into a small cog in the machine, well fed, and well clothed, yet not a free man but an automaton.”
― Erich Fromm, Escape from Freedom

Escape from freedom

Freedom is not as desirable as we think. In fact, most of us have a strong tendency to escape from it.

You’ve finally graduated from school. You’re all on your own now and you’re free to decide whatever you want in life!

But what do you do?

You give in to society’s pressure to chase “success.” You get yourself stuck in a job that you don’t even like but hey, it’s much better than being broke and unemployed, right…? It’s not that bad.

We say we want freedom, but the moment we have it, we give it away.

Pseudo-thinking

Fromm warns us that society's definition of success can distort our perception of what we think we want.

For instance, so many people strive to become a doctor or lawyer thinking that it's what they really want to do, only to figure out later on that it's not really the dream job they thought it would be. They just liked the idea of being a doctor or lawyer and the prestige that comes with the title.

This is what he calls pseudo-thinking—the unconscious adoption of other people’s opinions and beliefs and mistaking them as our own.

“Modern man lives under the illusion that he knows ‘what he wants,’ while he actually wants what he is supposed to want. In order to accept this, it is necessary to realize that to know what one really wants is not comparatively easy, as most people think, but one of the most difficult problems any human being has to solve. It is a task we frantically try to avoid by accepting ready-made goals as though they were our own.”

Conforming to society is much easier than truly embracing our freedom and individuality.

“The person who gives up his individual self and becomes an automaton, identical with millions of other automatons around him, need not feel alone and anxious any more. But the price he pays, however, is high; it is the loss of his self.”

Figuring out what we really want to do in life

As Fromm said, the task of figuring out what we really want in life is not easy. It requires us to look deep into ourselves and not allow the voices outside and inside our heads to distort our perception of what we truly desire.

Move away from all the noise and spend time to reflect on the following questions:

• What do I honestly want to do in life, without considering what other people would think?

• Do I truly like the work that comes with this job, or am I only attracted to the job title and the prestige that comes with it?

• What would I gladly do even if I wasn’t paid for it?

Allow yourself to be whoever you want to be, not who the world wants you to be. Stop seeking acceptance and validation from others.

Chances are, you already know what you want in life—you just need to find the courage to pursue it.

Will you embrace your freedom or escape from it?